DO I TRUST YOU, LORD?

• My heart is breaking.
• This is another one of those times in my life where the "rubber hits the road," as they say. Where I need to "put my money where my mouth is." Where I practice what I preach: trusting the Lord and His ways . . . even when I can't understand them or see the outcome or wonder why He's doing things the way He is, when the pain of what’s happening is threatening to overwhelm me, when I want to scream out “NO!” and take control of the situation and make it work the way I think it should go. And yet, with all my heart, I’m trying to pray, “Not my will be done, Lord, but Thine,” as Jesus did.
• It's not easy for any of us, is it? This time we have to let go of our middle daughter, her husband and their soon-to-be-born baby, after enjoying their company and working in the same congregation with them for two wonderful years. She has accepted a call to teach and direct a preschool at another Lutheran school in another state.
• I know it will be a wonderful opportunity for her to continue to use her gifts and expand her skills; and he will be able to find work there more easily than out here in the city. And the baby will be loved deeply by his grandparents there, of course. And I know we can fly back and forth to see them, as many grandparents do today.
• But oh, how I had already planned the future I thought we were going to have. You've done that in your life too, haven't you?
• I was ready to care for the baby on Mondays, my day off, and we'd go for long stroller walks and maybe I could get back in shape doing so. And we'd have all kinds of fun, reading books, playing in the yard, going to the ocean, riding in my blue volkswagen, flying kites, and watching him crawl, take his first steps, say his first words, then start Sunday school, and preschool, and get to participate in his activities, and have him come up on Sunday mornings for the children's message, and then come over to Mimi & Papa's on Sunday afternoons to give mom & dad a break, and have holidays together and celebrate birthdays up close and personal & do all the things that families get to do when they live in the same town!
• And now, the plans I've made, many of which I'm not even aware of yet, are not going to happen. At least not the up close and personal part. So I'm praying for our "children" as they move away from us with all the challenges they will face so soon . . . and I'm praying for us as well as we try to adjust to what plenty of other people have already adjusted.
• Lord, I'm not liking it at all right now . . . but I will trust You, and down the road, maybe we'll understand why this is all happening . . . and then again, maybe not.
• Twila Paris' song, "Do I Trust You?" has always been an encouragement to me at moments like this in my life. May it be for you as well when you find yourself in similar situations.